N's email 6/8/2015

area: Baytown Ward (Texas)
zone: Pasadena
companion: Elder Leftwich

This week was difficult. I've been working on charity with Elder Leftwich this week. I've been struggling really feeling genuine love for my Savior and those people that I come in contact with for the past couple months. I know that I love them, I could think of a bunch of reasons to love them, why I need to love them, scriptures to describe that love, but I wasn't feeling it. So that's why I was working on it this week. I learned from Moroni 7 that the only way to attain this feeling was to pray "with all the energy of heart." So I've been doing that this week and I really started thinking more charitable, and less desiring that people become key indicators like new investigators or sacrament meeting attendees, but simply desiring them to be happy. That's all I want. To help others be happy, knowing that the happiness we're all looking for only comes through living the fulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And then Saturday evening I FELT the pure love of Christ. I've felt it before but it feels new every time.

Because we've been working really hard to be bold in our contacting and being diligent in our labors we've been able to set up a bunch of return appointments. Most of those ended up to be Saturday. We had 7 set lesson appointments planned for on Saturday. And as we went through our day these investigators fell through. Every one of them. All 7 set appointments. And after the last one I felt like weeping because I know that the testimony that I carry can help these people come unto Christ and experience the greatest happiness they've ever known. I've met all these people before and seen the confusion and darkness behind their eyes, and I know that if they would just sincerely listen and act I know that the confusion and darkness can be replaced by a testimony and the Spirit. But they all fell through. My feelings remind me of Moses 7: 28-33 when God is weeping.

Then on Sunday I felt the happiness that comes from charity as we taught 2 incredible lessons with people who have a strong desire to come closer to Christ and receive the Restored Gospel. The Spirit was so strong. We were able to bare testimony to these investigators like never before. You could just see walls coming down and lights turning on in their minds. I love being a missionary, even though it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

I love all of you. But I love Jesus Christ more. And this is where He wants me. So this is where I want to be.